Finnegan's Great Freakin' Adventure

Finnegan thought it would be fun to go on a little solo adventure this morning. Human mummy and daddy did a lot of yard work this weekend and daddy must have not fully locked the gate in the back. Anyway, when mummy went out to get Finny, he was gone and no where to be found. Mummy called and called and he didn't come. Human mum and dad took separate cars and when mum asked some people if they had seen him, they said yes and directed her to him. A woman was just grabbing him when human mummy pulled up.

Here's the deal. Blah blah blah, we are all glad he is back safe and sound. As the Great and Mighty Cat, Sir Stins A Lot, I wonder: why did he only go a couple blocks away from home? Why didn't he head down to the local tavern and grab himself some Guinesses? He is Irish after all. Plus, there is always some drunk down there at 8am on a monday morning. No, the goofball was trotting along some random street block doing what...sniffing the freakin' daisies? Taking a humungous poo on someone else's yard? That would be a nice gift to come home to. Dogs are so damn weird, man! If I somehow regained my sight, I would head straight to the meat market and get myself some whole raw chickens to devour. Then I would convert the local catholic church into the church of mr. stin and turn off those GOD DAMN BELLS THAT GO OFF ALL FREAKIN' SUNDAY!!!! Then I could have my sermons in public and my followers would be able to make offerings of juicy meat all day long. AND they could witness the glory that is Mr. Stin...Mehmow!