Would You Stay Here? Or, the Best Guest Reviews EVER!!!!!!

Prof. H and I are going for a quick trip in order for him to meet with a person with whom he is collaborating. He has traveled to this place before and stayed at a motel that he felt was suitable. After all, it had HBO! I had my suspicions about the amenities of this establishment and suggested a different location. While Prof. H searched for a more suitable hotel, he came across guest reviews of this lovely [sarcasm] motel. Seriously, you cannot make this stuff up:

Guest review #1: Old, dirty facility - carpets needed vacuuming - bathroom wasn't clean, shower didn't work - won't stay again, don't recommend

Yes, it is unpleasant to have dirty carpets. Certainly, it is pretty foul to use a dirty motel bathroom. But showers not working and you won't return to this classy establishment? Picky picky picky.

Guest review # 2: Disgusting room with debris and black carpet stains, gray bed sheets and an overpowering disinfectant odor - gross bath with dirty corners, dead bugs in light fixtures, threadbare towels and a painted toilet seat - definitely not recommended

All this review needs is: "chalk outline of human body next to black carpet stains made me uncomfortable". At least this person found dead bugs in the lights and not a dead person in the closet. Whiner. What kind of debris is found in a motel room?

Guest review # 3: Room furniture not as advertised - no easy chair and no table
with chairs in any of our 4 rooms

And if the carpet is like the one above, I would not be sitting on the floor.

Guest review # 4: Nothing fancy, but nice - close to heart of town, university, and grocery - affordable - room had fridge and microwave - bathroom fixtures were worn

This person must have had the Presidential Suite.

Guest review # 5: Uncomfortable place - no dead bolt lock or key card system, so our room felt unsafe - bath toiletries were in cheap packets, towels were tiny, and the toilet wobbled - desk person was barefooted and difficult to talk to - we left immediately

I still cannot stop laughing about the barefooted desk person. Classic.